Study your palms. Find love that lasts.
See the connection there? Of course not. The first time I read through Gary Chapman’s book ‘The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts”, I was sleepy, tired and well, skeptical. Love that lasts? Who was he trying to fool? No such thing existed.
Okay so I’ll stop being so cynical. Maybe long-lasting love did exist. Maybe. But even if there really were love languages, unbeknownst to the rest of the world till Chapman’s streak of discovery, how could he be so sure there were just five? Did he simply look at what number would make a good title? Or have more value to a reader? Or have the most connections to the human body? I made up my own analogy, that perhaps these five love languages are like our five fingers:
- Words of Affirmation, our index fingers. We use them for pointing out things to others. And in this case, loving, encouraging and kind things. If this is your love language, you feel loved when others/your partner compliments and puts in speech their loving feelings about you.
- Receiving Gifts, our ring fingers. This is the finger that receives the most attention because it may carry precious jewels. People who have this love language feel loved when they are given gifts. They remember and cherish gifts bought for them. They regard people as true friends when those people buy gifts for them.
- Acts of Service, our little fingers. Our pinkies seem to be capable of the most service to us since they can squeeze into tiny corners, removing dirt, into our ear canals and other less honorable parts of our bodies which I shall spare the reader by not mentioning by name (cough, cough). Basically, service is deemed a love language to some folk. So if you can help, run errands and lend a hand to them, you would be speaking their love language.
- Physical Touch, our thumbs! They get pricked when blood is being drawn from us and they are the only finger capable of touching every other finger. Physical touch spans from kissing to holding to sexual intimacy; these acts are a full expression of love to some. These folk won’t feel loved till you are within close proximity of them, close enough to touch.
- Quality Time, our middle fingers. This finger is special simply because it is the tallest of the five. And that’s what quality time is about. It’s about heights and breadths, special moments; the group that speak this love language measure love by quality.
So five love languages. We get it. But what’s the real point here? How do they lead to love that lasts? And are they really a secret? I’m going overboard with the questions. So I’ll offer some answers. My answers.
Chapman makes one powerful point in his book that resounded with me far more than learning to understand my love language. Love is a choice.
This is a powerful truth that can save relationships. Love is a choice and we can be intentional about how we express love. Our fingers on their own can symbolize to us our different ways of expressing and measuring the love we receive. But what makes them move? What holds them together and controls them? Yes look at your fingers, the answer is before you. It’s your palm. So your palms control your fingers; you must recognize that using different forms of love languages in relating to others/ your partner is a choice. You can control which love language you wish to show.
(to be continued).