Because I’m Strong

Going off the camp’s theme, “Because I’m strong” I felt I needed to resolve how I could live my life afresh. (These thoughts were inspired by Bishop Joel’s preaching at the First Love camp held in Houston, Texas this past weekend).

Because I’m strong what I will do?
-I will fight my temperamental stereotype
I will not accept myself as the way I am. Especially in the area of self-control. Self-control is necessary because
-I always want to sleep more than I have to
-I always want to eat on days when I know I should be fasting
-I always want to move faster than I have to in a relationship
You get the picture? What I need is not to accept myself as a phlegmatic or a sucker for love or a hopeless romantic or a sleepaholic or take pride in being in Team Lazy. I need to fight this.

I believe that I am strong enough to do things better. In the case of relationships, in the case of my work and church work. What I need is DISCIPLINE. I need to get my act together and stop SLEEPING so much. When your flesh wants something and you give into it, you are training your flesh to develop an appetite.
Every time you feed it, it will need more than before.
When you choose to exclude certain things from your life, you are automatically excluded from the benefit of having those things in your life too. For example, when you decide that you are not the reading type, you exclude yourself from a wealth of learning that would be available to you if you were a reader.
I need to be a virtuous woman. Somehow someway. God is calling me to be it. But I’m not. I’m not industrious. But I can be that type. I can do all things. I can. If it can be done, then it must be done. Sometimes we have good things just covered in sheaves. We need to do the work of ripping the sheaves off so we can enjoy the fruit inside.

-I will fight to enter the perfect will of God. The fervent effectual prayer of a righteous man availeth much. I will need to fight to be in His will because it will not be given to me freely.
Bishop has made certain things very clear to us at this camp. I clearly understand now more than ever that whoever I choose as a life partner:
-will be my head. He will make decisions for me.
-will either support and encourage to do the ministry God has called me to or completely hinder me from it
-will have access to my heart and will be able to cut my seven locks of twists (which may be the people God had placed in my life who have rooted me in church and in Christ or even the anointing on my life and my relationship with Christ).
Simply put he will make or break me. And I will need discernment to be able to decide. Because the kingdom of heaven is as small as a mustard seed and yet it grows into a huge tree which the birds of the air can rest in. Whoever God may give me might just have a seed of faith and a seed of love for God that could be watered. If I refuse to accept to flow with a seed and help to water it, and am waiting for a tree, I must remember that seeds travel far easier than trees and more seeds will be blown my way than trees.

-I will fight to love. And I really just mean love my neighbor. Bishop said that our hearts are like strainers. You know the ones you pour food like pasta in to strain out the water? When we are young, our holes are huge. So things affect us but we easily let go of them. We fall in love and then we move to a new place and completely forget about this person we loved. But he said that when we grow older the holes grow smaller. So things remain. Unforgiveness remains. Bitterness remains. You fall in love and try to move on but you can’t. Your heart clings to this person and you just can’t let go. Hurts are deeper. Tears are more plentiful. But we must strive to keep our pores open. To keep our hearts flowing with love and forgiveness for people. Don’t hold on to things. Let it all go. Don’t let even the sun go down on your anger. Drop all offenses and hurts. Simply because Christ has dropped all of yours in the sea of forgetfulness.

So many fights. So much to overcome. So much to trust God for.

And I’m still getting stronger,
~X.

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