Sometimes I lose my faith. Very briefly. Inwardly. Not out loud and not really in my actions. Sometimes I just don’t believe this whole God-ministry-church garble. I just can’t see how it all makes sense.
Today was like that. I had tiny thoughts creep stealthily through the back of my mind as I watched our shepherd’s conference. What is all this and why should we be concerned about it? The melancholic’s mind is problematic, it swims way too deep.
It constantly wants to descend. I find myself wanting to throw everything into an abyss. Because nothing really matters and I can’t make sense of it all, I muse. With my mind.
I push play on a podcast I’ve never listened to. It’s a sermon by Bishop Oko Bortei-Doku. And then my eyes tear. I love this man and I don’t know why.
That’s when it hits me. I don’t love him with my mind. Because it doesn’t make sense. Who is he? Bishop Oko? We don’t even talk at all.
I love him with my heart. When I hear his voice, in the midst of my lowness, in the darkness of my mind, things churn, things stir, things warm on the inside.
It’s things like this that make me realize. We can only reach out to God with our hearts.
For with the heart, man believeth… Romans 10:9
Salvation begins in our hearts. With our minds, salvation and right-standing with God can’t make any sense. Our wrongs stand before us so clearly. How can we be righteous?
It’s a heart thing.
How can I be righteous when I am so fallible, so prone to cause offense? It’s such a heart thing. He won’t love her because she’s perfect. He won’t leave her because she’s never hurt him. But he’s gonna love her because she’s found her way into his heart. And he wants to keep her.
If you want to keep God, keep it a heart thing. Worship with your heart. Analyze and rationalize all you want but keep your heart the center of it. The word of God is capable of piercing us in our hearts. So you say religion, but I call it the heart thing.